Don’t overlook something very important

Don’t overlook something very important buried in the studies cited in the previous messages:

‘A recent report also indicates that [child support] compliance is greatest among noncustodial parents who have joint custody or extended visitation.

[ U.S. Census Bureau, U.S. Dep’t of Commerce, and Office of Child Support Enforcement, U.S. Dep’t of Health and Human Services, Child Support for Custodial Mothers and Fathers:

1991 (Series P-60, No. 187, 1995). The data collected in this study, from the year 1991, show that approximately 79% of noncustodial parents with joint custody and/or visitation privileges who owe child support paid some or all of the support due in 1991, compared with 56% of noncustodial parents who owed support but did not have joint custody or visitation. ]’

Common sense: the dad who feels that his share of parenting time is being minimized by the other parent or the court system, may not feel like paying up because of the perceived injustice. Thus if liberal parenting time were awarded and practiced, the child/ren involved would be more likely to receive economic benefits, and of course, emotional, psychological, moral, atheletic, …(big list)…, educational benefits from their DADS in FAMILY COURT.

And yes, ethically the other parent should be happier because the child is more fulfilled…

Thank you so much

I have also joined the other site. We are in California but the baby is in Minnesota. The ex says that letting him speak to his son is only a “courtesy” and the baby is too young to know the difference anyway. (16 months)

I can’t believe that there is not something temporary to do while waiting for court.

A child’s life could pass by before the legal system catches up. Thanks again, see you on moms!

Any laws concerning maturity?

need advice on handling my immature x. She openly stated she’s “being nice” letting me see my daughter. With this kind of attitude you can imagine she skirts the joint custody parts of our divorce decree every chance she gets. At the same time, lawyers advise me to act mature and handle it in court. This is very frustrating since the courts seem not to affect her at all.

I need an effective way to handle these matters, not to mention the stress, that won’t make me go bankrupt.

An organization cannot help every person

Certainly it is true that an organization cannot help every person that comes to it. If they told me they could not help it would be one thing. To give me the same resources I had been given by the previous counselor, which I had already contacted and determined that for important reasons such as religious differences, or scheduling difficulties, that I could not use their services, and to place the need for emotional support above survival, housing, food, daycare so I can work, and telling me not to return until I set up counseling was just an excuse to get rid of me because I was insistent on showing up in their office after they broke appointments without notice. I was and am desperate to find shelter for my daughter and me. I will lose my daughter to my wife within a month since I have no means of taking care of her.

My current situation is my fault for letting it happen but I was in love with my wife and was taken advantage of. I believed I could talk to her and gain control of her spending problems but I was too late when I discovered that there was no way to control her. I had $30,000 when we met in savings. I now have nothing. My debts exceed $50,000. The IRS is now planning to take my property and ability to survive. I am only trying to survive to take care of my daughter. When that need cannot be met there is nothing. Perhaps giving up would be less painful.

The Lancaster chapter of Fatherhood… has left a bad taste in my mouth and I could not support that organization or any with affiliation. In fact I have begun to speak publicly against the Fatherhood Init. in favor of more radical groups in support of Fathers.

Local Fatherhood Initiatives

An organization is only as good as the people who are running it.

There is no doubt that bringing more awareness to the public about the importance of fatherhood is a good thing. Unfortunately, a fatherhood initiative will most likely not be able to effectively help EVERY father in EVERY situation.
Each case is individual and some more severe than others.

The national organization that I think has the best chance of drawing all of the smaller groups together is ACFC, (This would be my personal choice). I believe that it has a lobbying organization they use for political action.

The fatherhood initiative is not all it is cracked up to be

I joined this organization in the Lancaster PA area. I was assigned to a counselor who I saw for approximately 4 months. We determined my most immediate needs were to gain control of my finances, find an apartment I could afford, find better daycare solutions that were more affordable and flexible due to my work schedule, and gain concealing. David, the counselor, was working on a list of landlords that may take me with my bad credit, which was created by my soon to be ex’s spending over a 3 year period of our marriage. He was fired for unknown reasons and the counselor I was then assigned to had no records of what David and I were working on.

He came up with his own agenda of me getting into counseling and ignored my needs to find housing. I was already attempting to find counseling that was appropriate for me but was having trouble due to my irratic work schedule and differences in priority. I felt becoming homeless with a 2 year old daughter was more of a concern than my mental health. The president of this chapter came into one of our meetings and decided I was not following my counselor’s plans I suggested I should ‘ seek counseling with agencies they were suggesting and not return until I had done so.’ He was really upset because I kept showing up in their office since they kept canceling meetings with me.

I have reported my feelings to the national fatherhood initiative and received no response. I feel this group is not interested in the real needs of fathers, instead they are interested in politics and funding.

My current situation is just weeks away from homelessness. My landlord is not intending to renew my lease and I can’t afford it anyway. My credit is totally messed up. I had phenomenal credit 3 years ago, got married and didn’t realize my wife could spend my savings and screw up my credit in just 3 years. I now have $50,000 debts and facing bankruptcy. My wife has decided to marry her newest boyfriend and wants to hurry the divorce so she can take my daughter from me. Can’t find anything good to say about this organization though I have learned from speaking to others that I am not the only one unhappy with the Lancaster chapter of the Fatherhood Initiative.

Phone calls to baby

Hi. I am a new member with a boyfriend going through a very ugly custody battle. We’ve been told that he has no rights until things go before a judge, and the lawyers and x are dragging their feet.

Is there nothing that can be done in the meantime to force the x to allow phone calls to baby? It’s been a year, child is 16 months old, mother left with child, moved out of state and has only allowed 10 days visitation, calls were allowed until she became engaged and moved in with another man. HELP!

It is reasons like this

it is reasons like this that if I do not get custody of my youngest child I will walk away. Yes I do think about my children every day and the pain of not having them near me is getting too much. I only hope that someday my two children will come to see that I truly loved them.

I am not posting any more because fatherhood in the western civilization is dead. We are no longer needed (well that is how society wants us).

Tim MCveigh’s only mistake was he blew up the wrong building. He should have blown up the family courts (okay while no one was inside). Seriously, family court is an oxymoron and until the emphasis is removed from child support and placed on ‘relationship time’, the children will be the ones to suffer. The biggest child abusers are the people involved in family court. perhaps a class action suit on behalf of children and fathers (and other non-custodial parents) should be made. But no one has the guts or the money to rock the boat.

I myself believe the system is all one-sided and there’s not too much we can do about it. But on one hand I myself was denied access to my three children from my first marriage, but yet I still had to pay my child support also when the children did anything in school and it was published in the local paper with their pictures they didn’t use my last name. they used the last anme of their grandparent’s on their mothers side. When I went to the school to see if they had been adopted without my knowledge, well I found out that they were registered under my last name, but the did all their school work and everything else under the other name.

Anyway what ti all came out to be was the grandparent’s didn’t want them to have anything to do with me, because of the woman I was married to. When the children got older and was able to decide for themselves what they wanted to do, then they decided to come see me and I told them my side of the situation and they were able to form their own opinion. We still communicate, the twins are 21 now and the other just turned 18, but it is nothing like what could have been if I had been allowed access to them when they were growing up. Don’t give up too easy, in the end the extra effort will be worth it in the long run.Time is a precious commodity especially when it comes to forming bonds with your children.

After being treated like a sperm donor by my ex-, I did decided to sue to try to change the system. Step zero was to take out a cash advance. I always apply for 500 dollar loans from this website, they provide fast approval – what we all need. Then, the first step is visitation. I trying to prove that when a custodial parent refuses visitation and the police are called, the police MUST enforce the visitation even to the point of arrest because it is a violation of my civil rights (Title 42 Chapter 1983 of the US Code). In the state of Indiana, the code for kidnapping as a section that states that it is a class b misdemeanor for violating a visitation COURT ORDER. The city involved is trying to claim qualified immunity. This is overridden by the fact that I have a court order.The state is trying to claim sovereign immunity. This is overridden by the 14th Amendment. I am doing this without a lawyer in Federal District Court because no lawyer; not even my regular lawyer, would take the case.

This is because they think they will lose. A person does not have to pay the filing fee in Federal Court. You can fill out a form to ask the judge to waive the fee. After the visitation case, I will try the custody laws of the state are unconstitutional. Then the support enforcement laws of the state and the federal government. By the way, I asked for 750 million to get their attention, but it has nothing to do about the money. It is about making the police do their job the next time (and there will be a next time) I have to call them.

I wish I had an answer to your question

But all I can tell is what we’re doing in our community, which is starting/organizing a Fatherhood Initiative. It will be based upon similar principles of the National Fatherhood Initiative. We are in the planning stages now and will be applying for non-profit status in the next few months.

The basic principles of our fatherhood initiative will be to:

  1. Promote interaction between father (any type of father, married, divorced, single, custodial, non-custodial, etc.) in the way of organized events throughout the year for fathers, their children, and families.
  2. Provide information resources for fathers (same as above, all types of fathers). Especially for divorced/non-custodial fathers.
  3. Advocacy for the rights of fathers (mainly non-custodial fathers) who are unfairly denied access to the children, and therefore, are not allowed to maximize their “fatherhood potential”.
  4. Provide resources for legal services for fathers who are involved in litigation (i.e. have been issued an OFP, restraining order, served with divorce/custody papers, etc). We hope to obtain grants to get these services through legal aid.
  5. Media Awareness Campaign – To promote the importance of fatherhood in our community and state through media outlets (radio, TV, newspaper).
  6. To offer resources and services for disabled fathers and fathers of children with disabilities.
  7. To offer services for fathers who are victims of crime (abused and battered fathers) and provide information regarding legal action and shelter resources). This includes victim compensation for victims of abuse.
  8. To work with local courts, law enforcement agencies and corrections regarding parenting time for at-risk fathers (incarcerated, jailed, on probation, under an OFP, convicted of crimes, anger management programs, etc.) in which the fathers relationship with child is jeopardized/affected.
  9. Offer parent education for new/young fathers.

I hope this helps. It is my belief that we should take a holistic approach to fatherhood and this includes father’s “right to parent”.

P.S. The above list is not in order of importance…it was off the top of my head….I’m in a hurry right now but wanted to get this out. Thanks!

I don’t know where else to turn

Please Help!

I am the loving father of 5 children (the second being the result of her extramarital affair). I have not seen or heard from my oldest for 8 years. My ex-wife has totally alienated all of my children from me except for my youngest daughter.

After reading all the material on Parental Alienation Syndrome, I now know that my ex-wife is a “TEXTBOOK” case of an “active Alienator”. All of my children have become totally alienated except for the last one, a thirteen-year-old daughter, Stefani. I have faced every accusation in the book. She has gone through eight different attorneys over the ten-year period. I only had two weeks that I did not have a case open against me, during the first seven years after our divorce. She has even gotten “Protective Services” involved by accusing me of stalking her simply because I come to pick up my children. My ex-wife has even had me arrested for trespassing when I went on the property to pick up my daughter at the court appointed time. Now we have to let my daughter walk down the long driveway in the rain, sleet, and snow to get to come to see me. My ex-wife tells her that she “deserves it for going to see him”. She EVEN turned my parents against me to the point they re-wrote their will just before they died and leaving me out. Se has been diagnosed as passive aggressive w/ paranoia and Borderline tenancies.

I have been grieving for ten years as I have lost one child after the other to PAS. It is like loosing a child in war; like they are Missing In Action (MIA), with no closure. I know that I will not be able to bear loosing my last child.

I am getting further behind on child support and I cannot afford an expensive trial or even an attorney because I am now partially disabled due to the ten years of stress and depression, combined with severe sleep apnea, arthritis, and cluster migraines.

Are there ANY organizations that legally or financially help victims of PAS?

Do you know if there are ANY attorneys in Georgia that will allow me to pay on a plan?

Would anyone be interested in buying my story in exchange for attorney’s fees and expert witnesses?

Can you help me in ANY way?????

Largest Organization for Fathers

I’m curious, what’s everyone’s opinion on what Father’s right’s groups are the largest, most pro-active, best organized, and stand a chance to push new state legislation through, that will recognize a father’s rights.

I’ve dabbled around this topic for over three years now, beginning with trying to save my 11 year marriage. Now divorced, I have found a plethora of discussion groups, clubs, and attorneys selling brochures for 25.00+ dollars. I’ve read about the plight of hundreds of fathers, I’ve responded to posts, and posted my own happenstances.

I now wish to join an organization where I can do the most good and I’m completely overwhelmed by the choices. Clearly, there needs to be a National Alliance that all the various smaller father’s groups can network with to form some unity in our cause. Perhaps there is, if so, please tell me. I’m all ears.


Can any members please tell me how I can go about having my visitation. Is there any legal cases that I can quote to get her to do the transporting of our children to and from for visitation.

She lives in upper Michigan and I live in Indiana the distance is 525 miles each way I do not make a lot of money and it is a real hard ship on me. As I have said before the court doesn’t give the father any breaks in this country.

I tried to stop her move to Michigan but it had no effect.

so if there is any help out there of anyone that knows Indiana law I can use the help.

As many of you may know

As many of you may know, we have been expanding on our idea for Dads House. Dads House needs to be more than just a hiding place. It needs to be some place where fathers can take their kids when they need something to do for a weekend visitation. A place where fathers can go to find someone to talk to about how they are feeling about a divorce, about not seeing their kids as often, and to learn how to be a better father. A place, where we will not only protect fathers and children from the abuse of a violent mother, but how protect them from the abuse of a court system. And, a place that will stand out as a show place for fathers to demonstrate that they are as much a parent as a mother.

We are attempting to purchase a 9.72 acre piece of property with an old VFW building on it. The building has two floors with 5500 Sq. ft. of floor space. It sits on a bluff, above I-35, which will allow for advertising long the freeway. There are wooded areas that we plan to create a nature walk with picnic tables. It is bordered by an elementary school and an apartment complex.

Imagine if you will, a place where you know you can take your kids to play ball with other fathers and their children. Or while the kids are playing, you can go in and use the law library and computers. Just feel like sitting and reminiscing? There is a balcony to sit on, sip a soda, and talk to other fathers. We may even consider a stocked pond for fishing. Bamboo poles, ten feet of string, a bobber, and hook. Nothing fancy, just a place to sit and enjoy a little fishing. A woman once told me that she did not realize how much the children learned from their father, just sitting on a bank fishing. When did she learn this lesson? After his sudden death from a heart attack, and she realizes that she had been wrong all those years, when she thought that he didn’t do much with the kids.

Child support

I’m a “newbie” but have been looking for a club exactly like this for awhile, my question is that I was paying support directly to her but the judge recommend that I go through the child support division which I did and was having the child support deducted from my pay, about the time that they started deducting my pay I was awarded full custody of my kids because my ex decided to leave the state (CA) I was still having child support being deducted from pay but was also receiving a check from child support stating that I over paid.

I have also received a letter from child support stating that they were going to close the case and discontinue deducting my pay which they did,now today I found out that my income tax refund is being “held” by child support division for child support, all the time that I personally paid child support I did not miss a payment because I have heard horror stories about what happens if you miss payments and I didn’t want this happen to me, my ex has been gone for almost 7 months and I haven’t received any support from her.

She is now living in a homeless shelter in Oklahoma so I haven’t even considered trying to get child support from her even though I feel she should pay just like I had too and now seems like I’m still doing,,Mel

Laws on garnishment differ from state to state

Here in Texas my husband was given the right to choose weather to pay the mother directly or go through the state. He chose to pay the extra fees and go through the state so that she could not say he didn’t pay it. He also chose this option because if he ever does miss a payment she will still get paid.

In Texas they hold back a portion of the payment every month for this purpose, or if the mother was on welfare that portion pays back the state (which in my opinion is totally screwed up, it wasn’t the man drawing welfare in the first place) Anyhow, it seems you should have had the choice but some states don’t give you one if the state files the case.



I’m looking for laws on garnishment on wages.

I am done paying support.

But while I paid it I feel like a few of my liberties were violated.

1)My freedom to choose.They garnished my check,charged me a fee,My employer charged me a fee,and I had no legal right to choose to pay my support directly.

Now the government is telling the states they must discontinue the percent rate and go to a flat weekly rate.Do you know what this means? If one of you fathers get laid off from work you still need to come up with your support every week.

What to file…

We have the following choices:

  1. Notice to exercise parental rights
  2. Notice to courts of denial od visitation rights
  3. Denial of visitation/violation of court order
  4. Failing to provide a home phone number/violation of the Texas Family Code
  5. Failure to enroll in parenting classes/violation of court order

Is there a motion we can file for all of this?

File one motion to find in contempt and include items 2-5 in it. Item one would be separate.

Court orders concerning visitation

A problem that occurs often is the lack of enforcement in some states when a parent willfully and intentionally violates court orders concerning visitation.

Often the enforcement at the ground level, ie. the police or sheriff, attempts to avoid the issue by claiming the problem is a “civil” matter.

So why not move it up one level?

Make it a CRIMINAL matter, so the police and DA are compelled to take action, and also make detailed reports. The other parent may start to responsibly comply with their obligations (foremost to the child/ren).

Consult your state’s penal code, and know the relevant sections before making your formal complaint.

If you have any related strategies, please do post them here.